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Application! - -The- Poetry Workshop
...Because life is not all a tale -- the better part of it is poetry.
alexander
ariascorner
alexander
Application!
1. Name: aj
2. Age: 19
3. Location: The midwest, in general.
4. Three favorite/ influential writers: Neil Gaiman, Charles de Lint and Alan Moore
5. Preface to your poems: I was a slam poet first and have a harder time getting meaning across without the verbal help than I'd like.
Is this comm still alive? And apologies to anyone at evidence0flife as you've seen some of these pieces before.

6. Three poems:

Untitled

We have made love over the cordless phone,
pretending that 'hello' was our safe word,
still wrapped in HP Pavilion cyber wires and Ethernet lines;
we haven't graduated to real steel handcuffs, yet.

Our mouths have found ways to be more intimate
than our fingertips.
Her lips have touched me
where not even my mother has thought to caress.
Her tongue strokes a part of me
more intimate than my sex,
And more worn than my gender.

I have whispered away my virginity,
bedding her past reluctantly,
because pre-pubescent trauma is far harder
to love than her full hips,
Bible Belt slung low and loose,
Almost too far South;
almost scandalous.

My mother thinks I'm lonely,
because girls side by side
cast sisterly shadows.
She misses hip huggers hugging unowned hips
and indirect kisses on melting chocolate bars
smeared across our lips and fingertips.

Her generation never laid down paper
for bedding, or passed pelvic rocking rhythm
through poems and she doesn't
understand hand holding
through words and to her,
a comma is just punctuation
and never makes her
gasp.



untitled
my mother's rocking chair
has taken up vacancy in the window
she invites hemingway to sit with her,
and only steinbeck shares her bed.

the dogged ears of her books are
studded with orange
slips of paper.
she holds spines in her hands
like how she used to hold
my father

gently.

she misses the wrinkles
in the sheets that used
to whisper:
"i want to grow old with you."

she is old,
and he is gone.




Applied Theater
She says
‘I want to move mountains,
But all I do is create avalanches.’

Reaching past me to
Grab a hole of mistle toe
So she can pretend to kiss me.

She says
‘I don’t care if they can hear me breathing.’
Whispering from behind oak doors
And brass door knobs that we pretend are gold.

She’s hoping that
Sun will burst out of her pores
Like a million tiny flashlights
Packed under rice paper.

She says
‘I don’t believe in love.’
Pinning her boyfriend’s corsage
To my belt loops,
Linking our fingers

She says
‘This is life’
Sneaking a hug between commercial breaks

We pretend we’re at the movies,
Leaning over an imaginary arm rest
To mock the main character
And trade bites of lo mein for sushi
And sharing too big bottles of Orgina.

She says
She has to go
And we tear the project down
And collapse the couch.

I watch her boyfriend in the crosshair
Of the window pane
As she strides down the front walk
To greet him.

She says
‘Goodbye, see you later.’
And we both hold our breaths
Waiting for his world to crumble
Away
So we can set up our theater again.
11 people spoke <-----> speak some truth
Comments
latelyontime From: latelyontime Date: July 17th, 2006 06:58 pm (UTC) (link me)
I think we have closed shop...we havent had any new applicants in a long time and the mods have all flown away...but if any do come back to comment, maybe we can restart. Otherwise, sorry, but we are closed for this quarter. Hope to catch you at evidenceoflife!
ladytairngire From: ladytairngire Date: July 17th, 2006 10:51 pm (UTC) (link me)
le sigh.
alexander From: alexander Date: July 17th, 2006 10:52 pm (UTC) (link me)
;~; pooh.
fus From: fus Date: July 18th, 2006 07:23 am (UTC) (link me)
dahling! why dont you do the commenting and scoring. go!
i will do my bit as well

and drag camillewaslike kicking and screaming as well ...
From: camillewaslike Date: July 22nd, 2006 11:00 pm (UTC) (link me)
i am here i am here! finally back from the electromagnetic pyrénées mountains, babeh.
oregonnerd From: oregonnerd Date: September 21st, 2006 02:02 am (UTC) (link me)

um

I am back. Bear in mind that I'm terminally f'in freaked out by the current situation with the law, particularly having a DUI accusation with it supposedly being a drug I won't touch. Shades of Kafka The Trial and about half of Lem...with a touch of Philip K. Dick and John Brunner thrown in for comfort. As in next Tuesday I'll be (legally, even) getting tranquilizers and yup, for sure, takin' 'em until this matter is resolved. So the question is: how may I best be of service? I truly apologize for a long absence.
Glenn
oregonnerd From: oregonnerd Date: September 25th, 2006 03:45 am (UTC) (link me)

aaargh

I will restart as of tomorrow. I was going to today. A fall down the fucking stairs isn't an excuse but rather a reason...fortunately, I have a doctor's visit Tuesday and already scheduled for pain pills. (I think you know: I suffer from Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, and fall at this point not at all funny. No serious injury. My right ankle turned and I wasn't paying complete attention to where I was placing my feet...)
8]
Glenn
P.S. I will notify our friendly applicant officially tomorrow that she's made it. I was leaving it up to fus, but no reply.
From: camillewaslike Date: July 22nd, 2006 11:20 pm (UTC) (link me)

8

okay. this first poem of your is a friggin work of art. woah woah. i can't even explain WHY i like it so much but... i just do! it's perfect, don't change a thing. i might want to translate it into french and post the translation on le_cornflake (my journal in french) with credit to you. would you let me do that? oh plz plz, it'd be such a geat honor as the only poets i've translated so far are cummings and sexton *wink wink nudge nudge*.

onto the second one. i like what you did with "gently", how you singled it out. it's very appropriate and not a mere effect of style, i can perceive how the fingertips are hugging the sheets of paper. but i think this piece needs more... flesh. it sounds like a structure to me, something that could definitely be perfected. maybe it's just too "straight-to-the-point" for my intricate imagery loving self, but i think the two last stanzas are a bit obvious and don't quite convey all the intensity of the emotion, unless you're going for the stoic approach, but even if you are i don't think things should be put like that. (ummm yeah, how vague, but it's 1:30 in the morning in good ol' france)

third one. ummm i can't very well be objective with this one as repetition usually drives me nuts except when it's used in sestinas and villanelle. so i'm sort of put off by the whole "she says she says" thing, but i'll try to overlook that.
a bit too prose-ish for me too, though it's still a powerful read, you get your point across well and that might inspire many a romantic short story writer (me included). i like how you drew the outline of a complex character with so few words.


post scriptum

Her generation never laid down paper
for bedding, or passed pelvic rocking rhythm
through poems and she doesn't
understand hand holding
through words and to her,
a comma is just punctuation
and never makes her
gasp.


did you do the gradation in the imagery on purpose? first the paper, then the poems, the words, and the comma. beautifully executed either way.
alexander From: alexander Date: July 23rd, 2006 04:10 pm (UTC) (link me)

Re: 8

I'm on vacation right now XD But had to sneak back for a comment! Thank you very much for your words! Feel free to frenchify anything, I can't understand a lick of French (the language kicks my butt XD) but I'm quite honored!

The poems are, newest to oldest, so I'm not surprised that there are more comments on the other two. (I can't believe on the first poem that I actually wanted to edit it... the other two I've had to fight the editing beast tooth and claw to even get motivated to relook at them XD)

And on the gradation of imagery... no XD I didn't even realize it until you pointed it out!

Again, thank you for the kind words and the advice! (I find repition works better in some spoken word pieces that on paper, to me. Because hearing it can take the ickyness of repeating away. But I also started with slam and have tried to edge my way into nonslam, it's quite the battle! So any and all crit is always appreciated!)

oregonnerd From: oregonnerd Date: September 21st, 2006 01:58 am (UTC) (link me)

8.5

Although that's probably unfair. I'm most impressed, frankly, by the fact that there are no errors--I mean, after the fact that I'm feeling vaguely jealous, noting the age and the ...ease of adoption of venue?
Glenn
8]
oregonnerd From: oregonnerd Date: September 25th, 2006 05:41 pm (UTC) (link me)

you are a member

For what it's worth...the entry above/after this indicates an attempt to resuscitate. My apologies to you in particular as an applicant.

Again; welcome to ariascorner.

Glenn
8]
11 people spoke <-----> speak some truth